Game Night, February 8, 2025
Post Party Notes
Warmest thanks to each of you for your wonderful company! My special appreciation for the food and drinks you thoughtfully prepared and shared.
The picture you see above is the one without a flash, and I am glad we have it, because the flash created "dot eyes" and there are only difficult ways to edit it out, I could try, see below. Next time, I am bringing in studio lights. I hoped we could catch some "golden hour" reflections between 5 and 6 pm, but I was waiting for one of us who was on the way but still did not make it.
• My apologies to those who were trying to reach me on the way: my phone went offline, and it took me almost 20 minutes to realize it.
This is what we did. First, 16 of us chatted about everything, including art, then took a picture, and play a round of "intimacy" question game, adopting it to the group on the fly. Then two of us read original poetry! Wow, thank you.
Then, we discussed my painting (next time I will ask you what you feel) and transitioned to the topic, which I should have presented broader, less connected from culture, maybe. We seem to come to at least some agreement that there should be a balance between friendship and therapy, however everyone should decide individually how to achieve it. I will leave my preparation notes below untouched, two of you wanted to read them.
Afterwords, we played a quick round of "kittens" - I won because everyone helped me. Then, we played the "Telestrations" and the drawings and guesses were so funny, we laughed all the way through revelations. Some of us are so good at interpreting cryptic drawings. And we finished with CAH, and a few of us were exceptionally successful in creating hilarious combinations.
Initial Plan
Dear friends, here is what I propose we do on Saturday, February 8, 2025, 5 pm:
- Drinks (what to bring + setup) and chat, during which we decide on the first game, either suggested buy you Telestrations or drawing each other (I had 2 "please no" for any drawing), or as I offered initially, white questions (see rules below).
You all can give me your critique on my almost finished painting "Tonic Masculinity" - a small abstract with some nudity. And offer your creation for our scrutiny and joy :) - Play the game.
- Discuss Friendship vs Counseling, and/or play other games some of us will bring (for now these are Cards Against Humanity, Wingspan or Clue).
If there are many of us, we can play pantomime-pictionary with word-cards I have.
A message from Jim: I'm sure many of you are feeling as worried and upset as we are about recent political developments. However, we have decided that - instead of withdrawing indefinitely - an effective antidote is to occasionally surround ourselves with like-minded friends. To that end, we would like to cordially invite you to a get-together at our home.
I want to make fresh lemonade again: the tree decided to have lemons this winter. I'll also make a hibiscus-lavender-rosemary tea, the last two have started blossoming now.
For now, 11 13 15 17 confirmed.
See you soon! Let me know if you have a nice playlist for the background music.
Intro Question Game Rules
Rules of the question game:
- Everyone writes down the most fun or outrageous questions for an introductory game, anonymously if preferred.
- Pull one question. If for the first time, share your favorite things to do in a short introduction.
- Answer the question, and respond with clarifications.
- Give the same question to someone else, you choose.
- Repeated until someone decides that the next person should draw a new question (go to #2).
Definitions for the Discussion
Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy: Friendship, as understood here, is a distinctively personal relationship that is grounded in a concern on the part of each friend for the welfare of the other, for the other’s sake, and that involves some degree of intimacy.
According to Britannica, friendship is a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust and has these defining features:
- involves a series of interactions between individuals,
- recognized by all members of the relationship,
- is a reciprocated affection,
- not obligatory,
- same amount of power or authority in the relationship,
- companionship,
- shared activities.
The American Friendship Project (2024): Americans long for greater closeness with friends, over 40% felt they were not as close to their friends as they would like; nearly half agreed that it is difficult to make friends.
PBS (2024): American men are stuck in what’s been dubbed a friendship recession, with 20 percent of single men now saying they don’t have any close friends.
Merriam-Webster defines counselling as professional guidance of the individual by utilizing psychological methods.
Psychology Today describes therapy as a form of treatment aimed at relieving distress and mental health problems, provided by professionals
Why I Chose this Topic
Friendship vs Counseling (or Talk Therapy) - notes to start the talk.
About 10 years ago, I noticed that some people around me started mentioning their therapists. I thought, how great that people had this option to solve mental issues. Then, I heard more about discussing relationships with "mental health providers" and following their advice, and not of friends. Later, several people with whom I was in coordination excused their being absent, late, or unable to continue with various diagnoses they received. And I mean not by psychiatrists or psychologists, just by someone with MA or a social worker. For example, if depression, then not clinical, or if anxiety, then not a debilitating disorder, simply being anxious. Many people did not try first the basic ways to feel better - sleep, move, eat healthy, meet new people - even if it was obvious they needed it.
When I started reading books and watch videos on psychology to help myself understand what happened in my past relationships, I discovered how little I knew still, but also how some people, including in my real life, (mis)used therapeutic language where it was not necessary.
A few years ago, with my new insights and after frustration about available MFA programs (for Master of Fine Art degree) and several encounters with counselors, I considered becoming an art therapist. I decided not to do it for a bunch of reasons, but the submersion into this profession and what is happening behind the scenes made me sad. The diagnostic requirements by insurances, the note-keeping, the attitude of some who go into the profession - all that, plus personal observations, gave me a feeling similar to that I get when corporations call themselves your family. In my personal experience, about two thirds of the counselors were not good at all in what they did.
Are friendships being partially monetized, and to which extent? Is trusting paid and externally regulated individuals safer than your peers, and when it becomes reasonable?
Do people around me think you should not bother your friends with your troubles with people and life? Yes, they do, and now I find myself internalizing this notion: how could I inconvenience a friend? Wouldn't they think: why haven't I turned to a professional, and why should they provide me with "emotional labor"?
Oversharing is a real issue, but what is the commonly accepted rule to be socially safe in what you share with a friend? My biggest concern though is that some possible friends expecting me to act as their counselor instead of a friend: just listen and do not express your opinion on the matter, however respectfully, accept me fully and non-judgmentally.
I think, discussing relationships with people who know only one person involves - not with those who have experienced other participants, another friend, for example - dissolves the tissue of our social connectivity. I also feel friendships become less real if we filter out everything much deeper than formal or small talk. What do you think?
(Reminders for Myself)
- Cards and markers.
- Set up the tripods.
- Take picture (10 sec) when everyone has arrived.
