Why I Chose this Topic
Friendship vs Counseling (or Talk Therapy) - notes to start the talk.
About 10 years ago, I noticed that some people around me started mentioning their therapists. I thought, how great that people had this option to solve mental issues. Then, I heard more about discussing relationships with "mental health providers" and following their advice, and not of friends. Later, several people with whom I was in coordination excused their being absent, late, or unable to continue with various diagnoses they received. And I mean not by psychiatrists or psychologists, just by someone with MA or a social worker. For example, if depression, then not clinical, or if anxiety, then not a debilitating disorder, simply being anxious. Many people did not try first the basic ways to feel better - sleep, move, eat healthy, meet new people - even if it was obvious they needed it.
When I started reading books and watch videos on psychology to help myself understand what happened in my past relationships, I discovered how little I knew still, but also how some people, including in my real life, (mis)used therapeutic language where it was not necessary.
A few years ago, with my new insights and after frustration about available MFA programs (for Master of Fine Art degree) and several encounters with counselors, I considered becoming an art therapist. I decided not to do it for a bunch of reasons, but the submersion into this profession and what is happening behind the scenes made me sad. The diagnostic requirements by insurances, the note-keeping, the attitude of some who go into the profession - all that, plus personal observations, gave me a feeling similar to that I get when corporations call themselves your family. In my personal experience, about two thirds of the counselors were not good at all in what they did.
Are friendships being partially monetized, and to which extent? Is trusting paid and externally regulated individuals safer than your peers, and when it becomes reasonable?
Do people around me think you should not bother your friends with your troubles with people and life? Yes, they do, and now I find myself internalizing this notion: how could I inconvenience a friend? Wouldn't they think: why haven't I turned to a professional, and why should they provide me with "emotional labor"?
Oversharing is a real issue, but what is the commonly accepted rule to be socially safe in what you share with a friend? My biggest concern though is that some possible friends expecting me to act as their counselor instead of a friend: just listen and do not express your opinion on the matter, however respectfully, accept me fully and non-judgmentally.
I think, discussing relationships with people who know only one person involves - not with those who have experienced other participants, another friend, for example - dissolves the tissue of our social connectivity. I also feel friendships become less real if we filter out everything much deeper than formal or small talk. What do you think?
