If I would use only a few adjectives to describe myself, I would choose these additional words:
- Happy - I am quite joyful most of the time, despite everything. If I am not in a blissful state, it is usually because of actual difficulties in my life. If those are bad enough, which happened many times, I still cannot stay sad for too long, it feels like it would be too dangerous for me and would lead to devastating losses. Usually, I soon find ways to force myself out of sadness by action or radical material changes. Luckily for me, I discovered and started practicing prolonged meditations (zazen, pranayama, kundalini, etc.) early in youth and had the time of my life, staring at empty walls.
- Sensitive - in some cases overly so: I used to have an extreme color sensitivity, to the point that I could wear only achromatic clothing for some periods of my life. Once, I painted my walls black, another time - my hair (I am blond). Then I had periods of white walls and attire. Till this day you can notice these tendencies in my clothing and minimal home decoration. On top of that, I can be inexplicably sensitive to some words and especially facial expressions.
- Risky - I can take and handle lots of risk if I know the reason, have considered the range of outcomes, and initiate the action on my own. The problem is, that for the most of my life, I could tolerate the possibility of very bad possible results as well, and a couple of time lived through them. At the same time, I almost never feel adventurous, maybe it is because I am rarely bored and have enough stimulation. However, in some areas, I can hardly tolerate any risk at all: I do not want any fun via scare, I maintain an emergency fund in three forms at all times because I do not want to loose any dignity or health, and so on. I take only few things for granted. I rarely can find comfort connected to dependency, which makes me a challenging partner, On the other hand, it keeps me free from addictive substances. I make it hard to offend me and let it be known: it enables more precious truth coming my way, which decreases my risk to make stupid mistakes or die largely clueless.
- Decisive - in personal matters, I tend to make up my mind quickly and permanently. I do not look back with doubts. I prevent myself from having regrets by ensuring that my process of making decisions is maximally all-factors-encompassing and minimally instinctual (benefiting the species), and does not contradict my intuition; and that I stay true to myself at all times.
- Lonely - somewhat, intellectually. Although I am willing to invest a lot in a friendship with right people, only with a few close friends I can be fully myself, and some of them live far away. In most cases, even among good friends, I need to avoid certain subjects and try filter my humor. I spend lots of my time in solitude, by choice, but deep human connections are absolutely precious to me.
- Concentrated - I can easily focus on something of my choice for hours at a time. Sometimes I worked on projects for weeks, disregarding almost everything else. It can be quite unhealthy, but when I am distracted and cannot continue for a long time, it is almost painful to keep all that information needed to restart in my mind, and very disappointing to forget something important or not to be able to go into the same mindset.
- Intense - my brain demands stimulation and transformation. In silent introspection, it is full of visual and conceptual activity, even my meditations on nothingness are sometimes singularly intense. In conversations, I can be passionately engaged. I attempt to be sincere, even if only in essence, because one always need to filter out irrelevancies. I practiced full truthfulness for many years, but that turned out to be too dangerous. I still believe people deserve kind measured honesty, even if reserved or challenging. Interactions with both smart and kind people energize me more than anything else.
Defining myself with several words.