If I would use only a few adjectives to describe myself, I would choose these additional words:
- Happy - most of the time, despite everything. If I am not in a blissful state, it is usually because of actual difficulties in my life. If those are bad enough, which happened many times, I still cannot stay sad for too long, or I soon find ways to force myself out by action or radical change. I started practicing prolonged meditations (zazen, pranayama, kundalini, etc.) early and had the time of my life staring at empty walls.
- Sensitive - in some cases overly so: I used to have an extreme color sensitivity, to the point that I could wear only achromatic clothing for some periods of my life. Once I painted my walls black, another time - my hair (I am blond). Then I had white periods. I can be inexplicably sensitive to words and facial expressions as well.
- Risky - I can take and handle lots of risk for a specific reason. At the same time, I almost never feel adventurous, maybe because I am rarely bored. But in some areas, I can hardly tolerate any risk at all: I maintain an emergency fund, I do not need fun via scare, and so on. I take only few things for granted. I rarely can find comfort in dependencies, which makes me a challenging partner, but keeps me free from drugs. I make it hard to offend me: it enables more precious truth coming my way and decreases my risk to die oblivious .
- Decisive - I tend to make up my mind quickly and permanently. I do not look back with doubts. I prevent myself from having regrets by ensuring that my process of making decisions is maximally all-factors-encompassing and minimally instinctual, and that I stay true to myself at all times.
- Lonely - somewhat, intellectually. Though I am willing to invest a lot in a friendship with a right person, only with a few close friends I can be fully myself, and some of them live far away. In most cases, I need to avoid certain subjects and filter my humor. Out of joy, I spend lots of my time in solitude, but deep human connections are absolutely precious to me.
- Concentrated - I can easily focus on something of my choice for hours at a time. Sometimes I worked on projects for weeks, disregarding almost everything else.
- Intense - my brain demands stimulation and transformation. In silent introspection it is full of visual and conceptual activity, even my meditations on nothingness are singularly intense. In conversations I can be passionately engaged. I attempt to be sincere, even if only in essence. I practiced full truthfulness for many years, but that turned out to be too dangerous. I still believe people deserve kind honesty. Interactions with both smart and kind people energize me more than anything.
Defining myself with several words.